The Superfart Bowl

Some of you may be wondering what the Superfart Bowl is. You will continue to wonder for a little bit longer while we take care of some other things. First off, today's dictionary lesson:

Insanidalking. verb, Def: To make an attempt at walking two or more dogs at the same time where both dogs are seemingly cracked out.

Yes, I too thought this was not in the dictionary. But then I thought, how could it not be. I mean it completely describes someone walking two or more dogs like a beagle and a homer at the same time and one wants to go forward and the other backward, one wants to criss cross the leashes, the other wants to poop (multiple times), one wants to jump on to the on coming walker, the other wants to run away, and both want to pull their master faster than his little legs can move. The likelihood of successfully doing insanidalking is next to zero, even for the professional insanidalkers. You know you have seen them in movies, but really that is just good CG. I made an attempt at insanidalking just this past week. Word to the wise, do not attempt this... ever.

This week we had some problems keeping the dogs out of the bags of food in the closet. So I had to come up with a clever solution. I went to Target and picked up two water resistant discard receptacles capable of retaining more than 20 gallons. Now we don't have naughty puppies getting into the puppy food.

On Wednesday it was uber warm out. So warm we actually could see sprigs of grass pop out from the depths of the snow. The dogs decided to have sprinting matches back and forth across the lawn. Now our backyard is a quagmire of snow, canine fecal matter and mud. It looks awesome. I'm thinking about putting in one of those moving rabbits that runs around the greyhound track. Speaking of being in the backyard, the "girlfriends" were back from Arizona, and let me tell you, they became snotty b&#$^s while they were down in the redbird state. Homer and Mervin started an uproarious barkfest while the ladies in back were outside, prancing around, not returning any of Homer and Merv's beckonings. Typical...

Homer's seemingly infinite amount of intelligence ceases to amaze us. Yesterday he communicated with us that both water dishes were completely and utter empty by thoroughly licking both bowls. Yeah, we're awesome....

(poopwarning) And at last, The Superfart Bowl. This tournament of raunchy flatulence occurred on Tuesday. It all began with Mervin and Homer wolfing down two bones each. For the sake of our noses, that will never happen again. After about an hour Merv kicked off the competition with a monster fart that nearly made me pass out from the lack of oxygen in the air. In an attempt to get away I moved closer to Homer. Mistake!! It was like Homer literally punched me in the face with a stink bomb. It was so bad, I almost considered throwing up into a paper bag and hyperventilating into that before I would have to smell that again. I mean it smelled like indian food covered in burnt hair. It smelled like Bigfoot's rear-end (don't ask). Needless to say Homer won. Ellen came in last...

And on that note, B-dubs out...